wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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