you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
