Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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