the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
