Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
