my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
