I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
