I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
