I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and she was petting her beer can
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
