i just google imaged poop.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
