Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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