just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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