i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
