He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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