he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
