the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
