Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
