Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
