Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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