U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
