how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
