are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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