Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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