i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Pooping to opera.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
