...so i touched it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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