worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is Oprah even human
My vagina is very pro this idea
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