i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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