I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
