i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
