I wish I could teleport
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
