I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
