I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
