Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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