We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
