What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think a kid would responsible me up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
