Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
