So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
