Please, let me fuck your mom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
