so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
