Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
