Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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