Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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