they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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