Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there's paper in my vomit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
