just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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