I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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