if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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