Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
