She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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