I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
