My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
