should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
