OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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