cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
