Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Found the puke drawer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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