Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So squirting runs in the family.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
