please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
