my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
