Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
